fears

for those of you who know me....you know that i have a laundry list of fears.  these fears have had a strong hold on me my entire life.  storms---b/c a tornado will came and take out my house (seriously!), snakes, big dogs, black men (this stems from being afraid of my biological father who i thought would take me away from my adoptive parents.  i didn't know what he looked like when i was younger---so i was scared of all black men).  heights.  escalators (you know---pants getting caught in them and tripping/falling on my face!).  public speaking.  planes (because the plane i am on will crash!).  getting mugged.  the dark (thank goodness for night lights!  yup!  this 32 year old still uses one!).  someone breaking in (my poor husband has had to go check the house more times than i can count b/c i "heard something").  my kitchen knife holder is backwards---so they don't fall off the counter and stab my kids in the chest (yes, all of the knifes at the same time---kind of like in that movie final destination---at least i think that was in that movie!)..........i am sure the list is longer than this but i can't even remember them all right now!

a few weeks ago i was talking to a dear friend of mine, Jamie.  she was talking about how she had a spirit of fear on her.  she shared some of her fears with me---and they were very similar to mine!  we even laughed and high-fived each other on the knife thing (she TOTALLY understood that!).  she went on to say that she recently prayed that the spirit of fear would be released from her.  and she rebuked that spirit in Jesus name.  she felt a wave of peace fall on her.  hearing that made it click for me.  God does not desire for me to be afraid.  fear does not come from him.  fear is of the enemy.

that night i asked Jamie and her husband Randy and Ben to pray over me.  i realized i had this spirit of fear.  and that it had a tight grip on my life.  i no longer wanted to be afraid. 

after 32 years of living in fear....i am free!  i can not tell you what it feels like to live in peace!  to feel safe!  living your life terrified is not living your life at all!  the spirit that held it's reigns so tight is GONE!!  all the irrational fears i have had----GONE!!!!  in it's place is a spirit of joy, of peace, of comfort! 

God is not a God of fear.  but of love.  i finally understand what it feels like to be safe in His arms!  and i have to say it's the best feeling in the world! 

we still know how to rock the hizzle...

 

 

No real post behind this video.  I just like it!  Can totally relate! 

 

 

cancer sucks

cancer.  it's a word we all hear way too much these days.  it's a word that people can't understand until it hits home.  until it's a loved one saying "i have cancer".  it's a word that has literally brought me to my knees, weeping, and asking God for answers and understanding.

just over a week ago one of my dearest friends---a kindred spirit kinda friend---told me that she had just been diagnosed with melanoma cancer.  stage two.  hearing those words....i couldn't breathe.  i know people say that but i truly couldn't catch my breath.  i sat on the arm of my chair gasping for air.  and then the uncontrollable tears began to flow as i spoke with her over the phone.  i could feel the pain, the fear, and the anger in her voice.  all i wanted to do was to take it away.  i am a fixer.  it's in my nature to do whatever i can to make things better.  i can't fix this.  we are 867.20s mile apart.  i can't even hug her.

after we got off the phone i had to share the news with my husband.  i told him how helpless i feel.  and how frustrated i am that i can't fix this.  i can't take this away from her.  nothing i can do will make this better or easier.  he quickly told me i was wrong.  that there IS something i can do.  and reminded me how simple the answer was.  pray.  prayer has power.  prayer has a way of cancelling out 867.20 miles.  prayer has a way of wrapping my arms around her and hugging her.

my friend; you know who you are.  i am on my knees in prayer for you.  when you feel a sudden sense of peace, know it's me praying for you (it's me hugging you from 867.20 miles away!!)  i have said this before and i will say it again.  i believe in a God who is a healer.  and he loves you.  he loves you more than I love you!  and he wants to give us the desires of our hearts.  the desire of my heart is to hear "cancer-free".  and i will stand in the gap for you my friend until we hear those words.

cancer is a scary word...but my God is BIGGER than cancer.  my God can make the lame walk, the dead rise, the barren with child.  my God can, has, and WILL heal.  I believe it with all my heart. 

back to school...homeschool style!

we are just about to begin our 3rd year of homeschooling.  this year logan will be in preschool.  well...we started slowly last year but he honestly had no interest in it so i decided not to pressure him.  now he is ready to learn!  i found abcmouse.com at the end of last year.  its a computer learning game.  he can go online and play games, have books read to him, he learns letters and numbers, animals, science.  there is a litte avatar guy that he "owns".  after each activity he earns tickets and he can turn them in for things for his guy.  he loves it!  we will still use that but i will also be working from Horizon Preschool Curriculum too.

lexie will be in 4th grade this year and haylee 3rd.  i can't believe how quickly the years have gone by!  they are 8 & 9 now and it just blows my mind!  we have started Oak Meadow Curriculum.  it's based off the waldorf principles.  i really loved it at first.  it's simple.  easy.  almost unschooling in a way (we actually considered unschooling...but that will have to be a different blog post!).  i just started feeling in the last few weeks that they need more.  the LOVE school.  they LOVE learning, reading, writing...all of it!  so i started looking into things to add to what we were planning to do.  last week i stumbled upon The Mystery of History.  here is a blurn from the product description:

The Mystery of History Volume 1 is written from a Christian, young-earth, perspective, teaching children to see God's hand throughout history...and how the Gospel of Jesus is the mystery behind all of history! Written in a conversational style, many lessons are presented in the form of mini-biographies, integrating fascinating stories with the events of the time. Covering creation to the resurrection, students will learn about famous biblical characters, ancient peoples, and well-known men such as Aesop, Buddha, Pythagoras, Confucius, Emperor Asoka, Herodotus, Caesar, Hannibal, and Herod.

i have talked with a few friends that have used it and just LOVE it!  i am excited to get this in my hands!  growing up in a Christian family and school i learned Bible.  i learned history.  but never really combined.  i am eager to not only teach this but to learn along with the kids! 

i also just purchased Christian Kids Explore Earth & Space for our science.  it  covers the earth, lithosphere, hydrosphere, atmosphere and weather.  the kids have been asking for more science related things so they are pretty geeked about this!

pretty excited about this year!  i am bracing myself for more challenges now that alayna is 2 1/2.  but i plan to find ways to "teach" her things along with the other kids.  i still can't believe we took the "plunge" into homeschooling!  but we realy truly are loving it!