Tuesday, October 2, 2012


for those of you who know me....you know that i have a laundry list of fears.  these fears have had a strong hold on me my entire life.  storms---b/c a tornado will came and take out my house (seriously!), snakes, big dogs, black men (this stems from being afraid of my biological father who i thought would take me away from my adoptive parents.  i didn't know what he looked like when i was younger---so i was scared of all black men).  heights.  escalators (you know---pants getting caught in them and tripping/falling on my face!).  public speaking.  planes (because the plane i am on will crash!).  getting mugged.  the dark (thank goodness for night lights!  yup!  this 32 year old still uses one!).  someone breaking in (my poor husband has had to go check the house more times than i can count b/c i "heard something").  my kitchen knife holder is backwards---so they don't fall off the counter and stab my kids in the chest (yes, all of the knifes at the same time---kind of like in that movie final destination---at least i think that was in that movie!)..........i am sure the list is longer than this but i can't even remember them all right now!

a few weeks ago i was talking to a dear friend of mine, Jamie.  she was talking about how she had a spirit of fear on her.  she shared some of her fears with me---and they were very similar to mine!  we even laughed and high-fived each other on the knife thing (she TOTALLY understood that!).  she went on to say that she recently prayed that the spirit of fear would be released from her.  and she rebuked that spirit in Jesus name.  she felt a wave of peace fall on her.  hearing that made it click for me.  God does not desire for me to be afraid.  fear does not come from him.  fear is of the enemy.

that night i asked Jamie and her husband Randy and Ben to pray over me.  i realized i had this spirit of fear.  and that it had a tight grip on my life.  i no longer wanted to be afraid. 

after 32 years of living in fear....i am free!  i can not tell you what it feels like to live in peace!  to feel safe!  living your life terrified is not living your life at all!  the spirit that held it's reigns so tight is GONE!!  all the irrational fears i have had----GONE!!!!  in it's place is a spirit of joy, of peace, of comfort! 

God is not a God of fear.  but of love.  i finally understand what it feels like to be safe in His arms!  and i have to say it's the best feeling in the world!